~¤*Starving 4 Perfection*¤~
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "savvie10" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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10:06 pm
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pretty good, could be better
so i was pretty good today... i'm thinkin about 200 cals 2day.
i had nothing until i made soup and rice.. but i only had a few bites of each, b/c then i was full! drinkin tons of water works! so i had bout 100 cals with that, plus i had crackers, and i had some peanuts and butterscotch chips n a taste of a muffin batter... so i think i had bout 200. i did an ab workout and i am thinking of working out more tonight.
on my way 2 bein SKINNY!
:-( i can't believe i'm 130.
OMG.
110! here i come!
i broke up with my bf 2.. so now im kinda sad, even tho i did the dumpin, lol. but o well. jus motivatin me more 2 get skinny so i'll b hott n attract more guys!
Current Mood:  blah
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04:10 pm
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back on track
i'm getting back on track. granted today wasn't fabulous, but better. 650 calories. i weighed myself today - i'm at 130 FRICKEN POUNDS! i've never been this fricken fat! yuck! i'm losing it now - lose lose lose!
saying no to food means saying yes to thin!
stay strong!*
Current Mood: nasty
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10:52 pm
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i will be thin
i'll be thin. i'll lose this weight i packed on. i'll lose weight.
tomorrow:
400 cals
ONE small slice of pizza n water (i hafta go out 2 eat 2 pizza hut)
thats it
2468 diet.. but since 2moro is 400 i'll start with 4268
i need motivation!
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09:22 pm
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NOT GIVING IN
alrite u fat whore. it was fun getting fat. now it's time to lose it. lose it ALL! NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOSING WEIGHT. nothing. nothing at all. screw friends, screw family, screw life. BE THIN! i will be thin. i have control. nothing is more important than losing weight.
tomorrow
bf: 1/4 of english muffin, plain - 32.5 calories
2 slices of apple - 25 cals?
l: skim milk, but jus a lil, nearly zero
snack: 2 slices of apple - 25
dinner: 1/4 of muffin - 32.5
total: 115 calories
I CAN DO THIS. i will do this.
Current Mood:  pissed off
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06:00 pm
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-YUCK-
Well I'm gross. Today was supposed to be Day 1 of the SHD, since i gave in yesterday.. nope gave in today too. no wonder i can't fit into anything. i'm so fat! im worthless if i can't do this. nothing to eat for the rest of the night, then tomorrow half an apple for breakfast, nothing for lunch, soup when i come home, and soup for dinner. i should've had that today, but no, i had to have steak, and potatoes, and bread.. yuck. yuck yuck yuck. i'm a failure. everyone is losing weight and im getting nastier and nastier. i can lose weight tho if i jus stick to this!
:-(
Current Mood:  crappy
Current Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Soul to Squeeze
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03:47 pm
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im stoppin now.. done 4 the day...
hard as it may be, i'm at the calorie limit of the day. i'm done. i had like 1 100 cal pack n like half of another.. so i'll say 150 cals with that.. plus i had like 6 candies n idk wut the cal count on those is.. so i'm gonna say i've had 250-300 cals for the day. I AM DONE. tyler got on... hmm.. just as i almost ate more.. hmm.. NO. stop now. u have control, u dont need that food, because sayin NO 2 food means sayin YES to thin. starvation works. i can do this!!
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04:40 pm
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pretty good day
Today was pretty good, could've been better. It's not over yet, but I am finished eating for the day so I will post now.
Today, I had:
Baby carrots - 30
1 rye cracker - 30
Peanut butter - 100 cals worth
Soup - carrots, green beans, broth, garlic, celery - I'd say about 20 cals.. a lot is negative cals.
Crackers - 100 cals
About 1/4 apple - 15 cals
Cottage cheese - 90 cals
about 400 cals for the day.
Improvements: I didn't need to have the peanut butter. I didn't need the crackers either. Next time I have the soup, I won't have crackers. I won't have peanut butter with apples. Tomorrow I will have soup again, and carrots. Tomorrow I will have less than 200 calories.
Hunger hurts but starving works.
I'm at 119.
No one will be proud of me or envious of me, or want me, if I eat.
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04:32 pm
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only comment if you're supportive!
I have had a lot of comments from people telling me I'm hurting myself, that I need help. Please don't comment unless you're going to support me. I know you think that you're helping me, because you think that I'll stop. But I won't. Nothing anyone says is going to stop me, especially people I don't even know. This is my lifestyle, and I don't want to recover. Your lifestyle is different, you eat 2000+ calories a day. I don't. That's not the way I am. I am happy being the way I am. You have no idea how good I feel after a day of eating only a small amount of calories. I HATE myself when I eat as others do. I choose to make myself happy. Maybe you think I'm stupid for being this way, but it's THE WAY I AM. If you think I need another person telling me that I need help, I don't. It's not like we ever listen to you people that tell us we're screwed up. We already know it. We just choose to not do anything about it, because we'd rather be this way, than to be so screwed up to let ourselves be fat.
I hope some of you are mature enough to respect this.
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11:10 am
[Link] | i've had baby carrots today, and later i might have a salad.. just lettuce and chopped up carrots, no dressing. god i feel so nasty. when i get down to 105, i'll buy some new shoes. i majorly need some, but i wont go shopping until i get to 105. thats my goal. one day at a time.
tomorrow my friend is comin over, and i might have my bf ova.. i'm plannin on eatin salads all day then. today i will run and do my boot camp workout twice. that takes about 45 minutes to do. o i also got two moves to do for love handles. it helps get rid of them, but of course u hafta reduce yer cals and fat too. it snowed a little, which sucks, it was nice and warm and i could've gone running. o well.
good luck!
no one will be proud of you or envy you if you eat!
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12:22 am
[Link] | yea im nasty. tomorrow all i am eating is fiber rye crackers at 30 cals each. THAT IS ALL, ALL DAY LONG. yuck. so plus what i had for lunch, then i just had cheese n eggs n sausage in a tortilla, 4 pieces of toast with pb and pickles. and 2 bowls of fiber cereal. wow. im a fucking fat cow. i cant blieve i ate all that.
all day
fiber rye crackers
thats it
i want to be skinny
i want to feel bones
i want to look down and c ribs
i will be skinny
i can do this
i will lose weight!
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